When my first baby was born, the doctor handed her to me and said, “Meet your future teenage daughter.” Then she got on the phone with her own teenage daughter, and the two of them got into a loud argument about what to eat for dinner. I still remember the daughter’s aggrieved voice, audible through her mother’s flip phone: “That is REVOLTING and I would rather eat DOG FOOD.”My husband and I raised our eyebrows at each other over our own daughter’s downy head. Surely this sweet, elfin, cashew-shaped bundle would never pick a fight with us about veal scallopini. We’d be there for her and hear her; if she became a vegetarian, we would develop a taste for seitan. When this baby reached adolescence, our groovy brand of friend-parenthood and open lines of communication would upend the traditional I-hate-you-don’t-leave-me dynamic.(Are you laughing? I am.)Fourteen years later, here’s what I’d tell my new mom self about my current teenage daughter — who, despite occasional tiffs, really is well worth the wait.Elisabeth EganElisabeth Egan is books editor at Glamour and the author of a new novel, “A Window Opens.” (Beowulf Sheehan)1. You never know who will come downstairs in the morning. One morning, she’ll be all smiles and cheer — she loves your new sweater. The next day, she’ll be mute and scowling. She’ll gesture with her chin at the sweater you’re now wearing for the second day in a row because she said she liked it, and this time she’ll say, “Are you really wearing that?”2. Most of the time, she doesn’t want a hug. But when she does, she’ll wrap her arms around your waist and rest her head on your shoulder, and the effect is reminiscent of happening upon a warm spot in a freezing cold lake. You don’t know why it’s there — maybe you don’t want to know — but you float there for a while, enjoying the view. Fifty percent of the time, as she’s extracting herself from your arms, she’ll say, “Can I have money to buy Julia a birthday present?”3. You know you need to keep your opinions to yourself. The problem is, sometimes she wants your opinion: on clothes, on a sticky situation with a friend, on whom she should write about for her project for Women’s History Month. You will share a rewarding dialogue, but the next day, when you say, “Did you learn anything interesting about Susan B. Anthony?” she’ll look at you as if she has no idea what you’re talking about. In fact, she’ll look at you as if she has no idea who you are. #coldspot4. After a decade of making late-night small talk with baby sitters, nothing beats having your own teenager meet you and your spouse at the front door in her pajamas. She says her little sister was scared, “so I put her to bed in my room.” She wants to know if the two of you had fun, if you liked the movie, what you had for dessert. #warmspot5. You think she’s wasting her money on cheap black booties from Forever21.com. When they arrive in the mail, you’re pleasantly surprised that they look chic and stylish on her. When she goes to bed, you try them on. Guess what? You look like a 41-year-old mom wearing cheap shoes.6. Her school has a mock trial, model UN, dance team, chorus and science Olympiad. You ask if she has considered signing up for any of these activities. No way, she says, nobody does these things. What about the chorus? You heard they take a year-end trip to Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom. She rolls her eyes: “Trust me, Mom, nobody joins the chorus.” You wonder who was on those buses outside the school last spring.Raising kids who like each other for lifeRaising kids who like each other for life7. For years, she couldn’t wait to ride in the front seat. Now that she’s finally eligible, she’ll opt for the third row of the minivan instead. You tell her you weren’t born yesterday; she needs to put away her phone while you’re driving. You are not her personal chauffeur.8. She’ll encourage you to join Instagram, and she’ll remind you to like her pictures. If you write, “I love this face” beneath one, the comment will quickly vanish. She wants your vote, not your adoration.9. She spends a lot of time on her bed, texting, and she isn’t interested in volunteering at a soup kitchen or learning how to knit. Your mom helpfully points out that she is an excellent student: “When you were her age, you were failing math and Spanish and you lost four wallets in three months.” This is strangely reassuring.10. Her friends are adorable, chatty, charming, funny, polite, responsible and kind. Their mothers promise they aren’t like this at home. The mothers who tell you that they’re best friends with their 14-year-old daughters are not your people. Just be happy to have friends your own age, especially a few who have known you since you were her age.11. She knows she can tell you anything (doesn’t she?), but you’ve noticed she saves big revelations for when your friends come over. When you ask her why, she says you’re nicer when your friends are around. Who isn’t?12. Her texts are full of heart emo
Source: Raising a daughter? Handle with care — especially when she’s 14 – Chicago Tribune